Generational Trauma: Breaking the Chains and Building a Better Future | No Nonsense November…
Breaking free from generational trauma means rewriting the rules, healing the past, and building a brighter, intentional future.
Generational Trauma: Breaking the Chains and Building a Better Future | No Nonsense November (24/26)
Generational trauma isn’t just a phrase you hear tossed around in academic circles — it’s something raw; it's a constant conflict that we encounter in our day-to-day lives. Imagine stepping into a game where the rules, the board, and even your pieces were already established before you started playing. Generational trauma is precisely that: a game that was rigged before we even engaged with it. And yet, here we are, stuck playing it. But, what if we didn’t have to play by its rules? What if we could rewrite them, make our own rules, and create a new game? This article touches on how we can break free from that cycle, how once we begin to understand, we can learn to heal from the wounds that have been passed down to us, and how, in doing so, we can rebuild something better- not just for ourselves but for those that come after us.
No Nonsense November is a challenge designed to help us confront thought issues head-on. It’s all about avoiding excuses and facing what we’ve been avoiding. The goal is simple: cut through the noise, get real, and make meaningful changes. Whether it’s dealing with bad habits, challenging our thinking, or trying to transform our perspective. Its purpose is meant to serve the process of bettering yourself. It’s about seeing the harmful cycles that have held us back and making a conscious decision to break them, ensuring we move forward with intention and purpose. If you want to read the full article detailing everything about the challenge, you can read more here:
Introduction
Picture this: you are walking around life in hand-me-downs, clothes passed onto you by your old siblings or parents. They are slightly big in some areas or smaller in others; they don’t fit you well, they are worn out, and they have stood the test of time. It’s not something you picked out, nor did you ask for it, but it’s just what was handed down to you. Generational trauma is very similar in many ways: it’s not something we ask for, but it’s something we inherit. It’s the leftovers of the countless stories you never were a part of, the experiences it's been through before they became yours, and it’s been through its fair share of history before it became yours. What was once given to you to benefit you is now your burden to carry and your responsibility to deal with, preventing you from feeling confident in your skin. It no longer serves its purpose and isn’t growing or no longer suits your needs to accommodate your growth in life. It’s simply something you’ve outgrown.
Understanding Generational Trauma
The thing with generational trauma is that it’s just this term that's lightly thrown around and that you can attribute all the hardships you faced from those older than you that were just passed onto you. It’s real baggage, an echo of past decisions and behavior that likely stemmed from your parents and their parents before them. It’s not like our parents intended to pass it on to us; it’s a manifestation of unresolved issues that were never addressed, never healed, and so it seeped into the way that they live, the way they coped and ultimately dictated how they navigate the world resulting in it being the way that they raised us.
Imagine a family that has endured countless instances of adversity and conflict. These hardships are nothing to take lightly; they leave deep scars. Families adapt, and they survive, but sometimes coping with them comes at a cost. Emotions get suppressed, often ignored for the sake of moving on. Vulnerabilities get suppressed, hidden somewhere they can stay hidden so they never have to be unpacked. These survival mechanisms get passed on — nobody intends on passing down the pain, but that’s just what happens; it just gets inherited if left unresolved. It’s important to understand this isn’t about blaming anyone. It's about seeing that unless we take action, we might fall victim to repeating the cycle, allowing it to perpetuate to our children and keep the chain going.
Observational Trauma: The Influence of What We Witness
Generational trauma doesn't always pass down through direct actions or explicit lessons; sometimes, it’s passed on passively through what the children observe and internalize. This is what we can call observational trauma. It’s the kind of trauma that develops when children witness their parents' struggles and subconsciously decide to do the opposite or do whatever they are avoiding. Yet, it still passively carries the impact of what they saw.
Think of a child who grew up watching their parents constantly overworking, burnt out, and emotionally unavailable; in this case, the child might subconsciously vow never to be like that. They might aim to do the opposite by keeping strict boundaries or striving to live more freely, anything perceived as burdensome. However, in doing so, they may develop an aversion to some of the positive qualities that might result from being hard workers, resulting in another form but still in the same realm of transferring over the emotional scars. Similarly, children who witnessed an emotionally volatile household might swear off showing their emotions entirely, thinking that emotional expression is the safest result.
The irony here is that even while trying to distance themselves from what they observed and made a conscious decision to avoid, these individuals are left still profoundly affected by it. They’re still living in reaction to their parent's trauma, letting those past experiences define their present behaviors. This passive transfer of trauma, almost innervated transfer in many instances, can be equally as powerful as the overt habits and behaviors that are handed down. Understanding this helps us see that the goal isn’t just to react against the past, but to consciously create something new — something not dictated by fear or avoidance.
Trauma Rooted in Our Biology and Behavior
Trauma doesn’t just live in our minds — it also lives in our DNA. We inherit more than eye color or hair texture. Trauma can change the way our genes function. Science calls these “epigenetic changes.” To put it simply, while you’re DNA itself doesn’t change, the way it expresses itself can shift because of traumatic experiences. These changes can influence how we respond to stress, anxiety, and fear, meaning that the struggles your grandparents faced might still affect you today — not just through stories but as a literal biological imprint. It’s a tough pill to swallow, no doubt about it, but it also means that some of the burdens we carry aren’t entirely ours to begin with. And knowing that gives us a starting point that we can mold into the key to breaking free.
That’s why the cycle seemingly has no end. Someone can grow up with all the comforts in the world and live an entirely different life than the ones the trauma was manifested in, yet still feel a constant sense of unease or fear, still having to deal with the struggle to connect emotionally, for example. Until we realize that these reactions are partly inherited — passed on like a reflex to survive — we’re left confused, blaming ourselves for something that started long before we were even born. The key here is understanding this so we can break the cycle and begin to dictate how we want to live, rather than it dictates for us due to past problems.
Signs of Generational Trauma
At first, it may seem like this abstract concept, but it appears in our everyday lives. Maybe it’s a sense of distrust that is unavoidable because it's always been there or hesitation to let people get close because it just feels safer that way. It might be that deep need to remain quiet and invisible, not bring any attention to ourselves in order to not make waves, or perhaps we have a critical inner voice that constantly tells us, “You’re not good enough.” In most cases, especially in families that have faced systemic discrimination or oppression, this trauma can manifest itself as hypervigilance — a constantly lingering sensation of feeling like you are always looking over your shoulder, keeping us on guard because the world doesn’t feel safe.
While these behaviors might have made sense in the past as they served as a survival mechanism, in times when staying quiet or being on high alert helped keep people safe, they’re not really that helpful anymore. Instead, they often transform into hurdles that get in the way of real joy, authenticity, creativity, or even just deeper connections to others. It’s about recognizing that these responses had a purpose once, but now they might be holding us back more than protecting us.
The Path to Healing
The first step in healing such deep-rooted issues will always start with acknowledging what we are carrying. Distinguishing between what is ours and what was inherited makes all the difference. It might be that a fear that we just can’t quite place, or even the feeling of being stuck. By recognizing these patterns, we can start to see them for what they truly are, in doing so they start to weaken their grip on us. Understanding the pain doesn't just make it disappear overnight, but it does take away a lot of its power. It gives us the opportunity to take a stand against it; it gives us the courage to say and take the stance, “This ends with me.”
This isn’t just about blaming those who came before us. They were doing the best they could with what they had; they were just trying to survive. Healing is about making the conscious choice that their pain doesn’t have to be our story. It’s about empowering that voice in our heads that tells us, “Thank you for the armor, but I don’t need it anymore.” It’s about severing the problems from the roots and ensuring that in the process, we replant something healthier, avoiding all the problems it was plagued with before, avoiding the same mistakes that caused it to rot in the first place. The goal is to plant a new seed, one that is nourished and will forever be better-taken care of, something better — something different.
Actionable Steps for Healing Generational Trauma
Healing from generational trauma can’t be summarized in an east-three-step process. It takes time and patience. Above all, it takes understanding, knowing why it happened in the first place, where things went wrong, and learning how to foster a safer environment for ourselves to thrive while learning to let go of baggage that was never ours, to begin with. While it’s not an easy process, we can at least start with the following:
- Self-Reflection and Awareness: It goes without saying that if we don’t know what the problems are and remain unaware of their repercussions, we can never grow. Get to know your problems, take a step back, and ask yourself, “Why do I react this way?” I have always and will always strongly advocate for journaling. Taking the time to note the dilemmas you face or just simply noting progress can be such a powerful tool in one's journey for growth.
- Open Discussions: Talk about it. It’s so simple yet so effective. Talk about it with your parents, sit down with an open mind, and get ready for an emotional, heart-to-heart discussion. It’s to be expected that it’s a difficult conversation to have, but by understanding how it manifests with them, you can get to the core of the issue and learn practical steps on how to address it for yourself.
- Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Techniques: Trauma often tends to have a disconnecting effect; it separates us from our authentic selves, leaving us confused and conflicted about who we truly are. By constantly engaging with the inner monologue to try to understand and reassure, we can ensure that we are actively participating in our lives and not just letting these experiences and trauma dictate who we are. Acknowledging the pain, letting yourself feel it, and pursuing life despite the difficulties is a powerful ability you must rigorously practice.
- Setting Boundaries: Boundaries are the number one defense against allowing yourself to fall back into old habits, even if’s just boundaries for yourself or one or members of your family. Keeping up that guard and not allowing yourself to slip is one of the most important things you can do to protect the progress you’ve made. Boundaries are how you protect your energy and they dictate how you want to engage with the world. Strong boundaries make all the difference between surviving and thriving.
- Practice Self-Compassion: In times of need, it’s safe to say that we tend to seek someone's shoulder to cry on; the problem is that we might not always have someone like that who can be there for us. That’s why learning how to be that person for yourself is essential. Learning how to be your support system, mentor, and biggest supporter can do wonders in your growth and healing process; it’s only a matter of being strong enough to face those journies and standing strong regardless of how tough it might feel.
- Keep on Learning: Getting better isn’t just a one-time practice; the goal is constantly maintaining and upholding the mechanisms and practices that keep you on the right path. The best way to do so is to keep on asking questions, lean into curiosity, and never stop learning. Continuous self-exploration and discovery will forever serve you as you grow and progress through the journey of life. So should your understanding of those around you and, more importantly, yourself.
The Healing Journey
Healing generational trauma is far from straightforward; it's a messy, tedious process riddled with highs and lows; you will experience countless breakthroughs and an equal amount of pitfalls. But every step forward is a step towards progress. It’s an ongoing battle that you have to face every day. The discovery of patterns that were developed before you is a journey into the unknown with hidden turns around every corner. It takes a lot of courage and resilience to get up every day and proactively face them. In doing so, you get the opportunity to work towards redefining yourself, not just as someone weighed down by the past, but as someone choosing to move forward intentionally.
It’s an act of courage because it’s not only working on making your life better, so to speak; it's about changing what was passed on to you, reshaping it, and molding it into something better. It’s having the strength to do that which our ancestors couldn’t, not only for you but for their sake as well. By putting down what they used as armor, we can use it as the foundation to be built upon, we can start to foster hope, freedom and love. It’s the building blocks of establishing a clean slate leaving behind all those past problems, and creating a new legacy from the ground up, one that you are proud to leave behind and eventually pass on.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece. I truly appreciate you diving into this topic with me — it’s not easy, and it’s deeply personal for so many of us. If this resonated with you or if you have your own thoughts and stories you’d like to share, I’d love to hear from you. The more we talk, the more we can help each other heal and grow. Let’s keep this conversation going:
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If you enjoyed today's article and want to keep up with the No Nonsense November series, consider checking out yesterday's article if you missed it here:
